We want to separate Amicably, Where do we start?
Author: Andrea Hooper
Founder I Separation Specialist
If you and your partner have decided to separate and want to keep things amicable and agreeable, one of the first questions is often:
Where do we actually start?
For many couples, the difficulty isn't necessarily that they are fighting. It's that separation suddenly creates a long list of decisions about property, money, children, housing, superannuation, mortgages, bank accounts and legal paperwork - and it's hard to know what needs to happen first.
The good news is that separating amicably does not mean you need to have everything worked out before you begin. It means approaching the process in a way that gives you both the best possible chance of reaching a fair and workable agreement without unnecessary conflict.
It is the willingness, from you both, to come to agreeance that matters.
First, don't feel you need to work out the settlement immediately
One of the biggest mistakes a separating couple can make at the beginning of a separation is jumping straight to:
“So, who gets what?”
Before you negotiate a property settlement, you need to understand what there actually is to divide.
That usually means formally identifying your assets, liabilities, superannuation and other financial interests and gathering the information needed to confirm their current values.
Trying to negotiate before this information is clear cancreate unnecessary disagreement because each person may be working from different assumptions.
Jumping ahead too quickly can result in ex-couples ‘lawyering up’, where the legal fees begin and the trust and willingness to come to agreeance erodes.
An amicable separation becomes less likely. A better starting point is:
information first, decisions second.
Step 1: Deal with the immediate practical arrangements
Before worrying about the final settlement, work out what needs to happen in the short term. Depending on your circumstances, this might include:
These arrangements don't necessarily determine what your final property settlement will look like.
They are simply about keeping life functioning while the longer-term issues are worked through.
Avoid making major or irreversible financial decisions simply because you feel pressure to “get everything sorted” immediately.
Step 2: Understand what actually needs to be resolved
Separation can involve several different processes, and they don't all need to happen at the same time.
You may need to deal with:
Property and finances
How your assets, liabilities, superannuation and financial resources will be dealt with.
Parenting arrangements
How decisions and care arrangements for your children will work after separation.
Divorce
If you are married, divorce is the legal ending of the marriage. It is separate from your property settlement and parenting arrangements.
In Australia, married couples generally need to have been separated for at least 12 months before applying for divorce. It is possible to be legally separated while continuing to live in the same home.
You therefore do not need to wait until you are divorced before beginning to resolve your property and financial arrangements. In fact, many separated couples do not attend to their divorceuntil after their legal financial separation.
Step 3: Get the financial information on the table
This is one of the most important parts of an amicable property settlement.
Both people need a clear picture of the financial position.
This may include information about:
Australian family law imposes disclosure obligations in financial and property matters. The Federal Circuit and Family Court describes this as a requirement to provide information relevant to the financial issues in dispute, and the duty can begin before court proceedings are commenced.
Even where a couple has no intention of going to court, transparent financial disclosure is an important foundation for reaching an informed agreement.
It removes guesswork.
It also helps prevent the process becoming:
“I think we have this much.”
versus
“I don't agree.”
Step 4: Build a clear picture of the asset pool
Once the information has been gathered, it can be brought together into a balance sheet showing the assets, liabilities, superannuation and other relevant financial interests.
The Federal Circuit and Family Court itself uses a balance sheet in financial matters to identify assets, liabilities, financial resources and superannuation.
For an amicable separation, this is particularly useful because it gives both people one shared financial picture from which to begin discussions.
It also helps identify anything that still needs clarification or valuation before you begin negotiating.
Step 5: Explore possible settlement scenarios
Once you both understand the financial position, you can start considering what different settlements might look like.
This is often more productive than immediately arguing about percentages.
For example:
Seeing different scenarios can turn an abstract negotiation into something much easier to understand.
Instead of simply debating whether something should be “50/50” or “60/40”, you can see what those options actually mean in real life. An assumed outcome is not simply because our friend, family, or AI told us - thats their opinion, and it generally based on one person's version of the 'facts'. It is important to be properly informed.
Step 6: Understand what the law considers
An amicable agreement that is considered just and equitable still needs to be informed by the family law framework.
Property settlements are not automatically divided 50/50 - contrary to the belief of some that Amicable = 50/50.
The law considers matters including the parties' property and liabilities, their financial and non-financial contributions and relevant current and future circumstances. Significant changes to the statutory framework for property settlements commenced on 10 June 2025.
That doesn't mean lawyers need to facilitate your legal financial separation, or conduct thenegotiations for you.
It does mean both people should understand the legal context before committing to a final outcome.
Step 7: Get independent legal advice at the right point
For many amicable couples, lawyers can play a very different role from the one people traditionally associate with separation.
Instead of each person appointing a lawyer to negotiate against the other from the beginning, the couple can first:
and then each obtain appropriate independent legal advice about that proposed outcome.
The Court recommends obtaining legal advice before entering into Consent Orders because family law can be complex and orders can have significant legal and financial consequences.
Step 8: Make the agreement legally binding
Reaching an agreement is not necessarily the end of the process.
You also need to consider how the agreement should be legally formalised.
For property settlements, common options include Consent Orders (approved by the Court – you do not need a lawyer to prepare these Orders) or, in some circumstances, a Binding Financial Agreement (each person requires an independent lawyer to facilitate this agreement).
If both people have reached agreement, they can apply for Consent Orders without having to attend a contested court hearing. The Court will only make proposed financial Consent Orders if it is satisfied that the outcome is just and equitable.
Formalising the settlement can provide certainty about what each person is required to do and bring the financial relationship to an appropriate conclusion. This protects assets acquired by either person in the future.
Amicable doesn't mean agreeing on everything
This is worth emphasising.
You do not need to arrive at Simplify saying:
“We've already worked everything out.” (if you are at that point – WELL DONE!)
Many couples agree that they want to separate respectfully but still disagree about:
That does not automatically make the separation high conflict.
The important question is whether both people are willing to participate honestly, disclose the relevant information, listen to advice and work toward an outcome.
When an amicable process may not be appropriate
An amicable pathway isn't suitable for every separation.
There may be circumstances where someone needs direct legal advice or urgent legal protection before attempting a facilitated process.
This can include concerns about:
The Court's own pre-action procedures recognise circumstances including family violence, urgency and potential prejudice as reasons the usual pre-court processes may not be appropriate.
The goal should never be to remain “amicable” at the expense of safety or informed decision-making.
How Simplify approaches amicable separation
At Simplify, we help couples navigate the practical space between deciding to separate and having their agreement legally finalised.
Rather than beginning from opposing legal positions, we help you work through the separation in a structured sequence:
clarity → disclosure → balance sheet → options →independent advice → agreement → formalisation.
Our role is not to replace your independent lawyer or give legal advice.
Our role is to help organise and facilitate the separation process so both people can understand the financial position, consider workable options and obtain legal advice (not legal representation) at the appropriate stages. We then prepare your court documents and facilitate lodging your Consent Order Application with the Federal Circuit and Family Court.
You do not need to attend a hearing, and once the Court have reviewed and approved your application, you are provided with your sealed Court Orders which allow any joint assets to be dealt with per your agreement. E.g. a person can be removed from a property title or business structure; a joint bank account can be closed and funds disbursed per the Orders.
Separation can be difficult without automatically needing to become a legal battle. Support and facilitation for separated couples together can make for a more cost-effective, transparent, efficient, and less traumatic experience for all involved.
This article provides general information only and is not legal advice. Family law outcomes depend on individual circumstances. You should obtain independent legal advice about your own situation.